What did you once wish you could change about yourself that you now wouldn’t trade away?

Here are my two things.

Years ago, after school, I had to live alone for the first time. Then came hostel life during college, followed by graduation and life away from home once again. Work, too, kept me in flats alone for long stretches. There were periods when I did have flatmates, but somehow, for one reason or another, I would always end up living by myself again. And I hated it. I felt miserable and lonely whenever I focused on it. I loved staying busy, and sometimes I even worked on weekends, telling myself it was because there was simply too much work. But, in reality, I think I was trying to avoid as much empty, lonely space as possible.

That doesn’t mean I never had people around me. I had friends, partners and family. But whenever I found myself alone at home, I would crave being with people. And when I was with people, my sensitivity would often cause me pain. I felt things deeply. I noticed things others might not. I could be affected by a tone, a silence, a shift in energy, or something someone said without even intending to hurt me. For a long time, I thought this was something I needed to fix about myself.

And then came a phase—the darkest and longest one—which eventually pushed me into the deepest corners of myself, where there was nowhere left to go but within. That was when something beautiful began to happen. I started looking inward. I began spending time with myself, listening to myself and, slowly, understanding myself in ways I never had before. I realised that perhaps the very thing I had spent years trying to escape was something I had actually needed.

Today, my time alone, being home alone, simply being by myself, is what I love the most. Not because I have stopped loving people or because I no longer enjoy company, but because I have finally learned to enjoy my own. Solitude no longer feels like emptiness. It feels like space—space to think, create, meditate, rest, read, write, listen to music, do absolutely nothing, or simply be.

And perhaps the biggest change is that I no longer see my sensitivity as something I need to get rid of. It can still hurt. I still feel things deeply. But I have come to understand that it is also the reason I experience life deeply—the reason I notice beauty, connect with people, care intensely and find meaning in little things.

So, what did I once wish I could change about myself that I now wouldn’t trade away? —My ability to be alone. My sensitivity. And the strange, beautiful journey of learning to feel completely at home with myself.